Exhausted.

I feel like what I’m about to share is too much for the internet. However, I know when God wants me to share something because I can’t stop thinking about writing about it and he continually nudges me to do it until I give in. Thank you Lord for always pushing me. Seriously, you’re awesome.

Okay, here it goes.

I am exhausted. Seriously, exhausted. The sad part is that I’m exhausted from nothing. Yes I have 3 kids and yes they try to drive me to the psych ward, but my exhaustion is much deeper than that. Those who know me well know that I am a clean freak. I love things to be clean and tidy. I love schedules and routines. It makes me feel organized and put together as a human. These last couple of months have been rough though. Really rough. I can’t even pinpoint when the exhaustion started. I just started to let things pile up and I kept telling myself, I’ll do that tomorrow. Or, I’m going to watch one more episode of FRIENDS and then I’ll do some laundry. I’m going to take a quick nap and then I’ll clean the house. It’s excuse after excuse inside my brain and after tomorrow passes, or that episode of FRIENDS is over (and I watch 4+ more) and that “quick” nap that lasts 3 hours is done, I just sit there. Either on my phone or literally just sitting. I don’t have the energy to get up. My brain and body are just tired.

I don’t know how to fix this.

I love my husband and my 3 kids so much. I just feel like I am only giving them 30% when I want to be giving them 100%. If you were to ask my kids what my favorite thing to do is, they would say sleep. They would also tell you how forgetful I am. How I am always late to everything. How I sit on the couch, a lot.

This is not me!

Will you please be praying for me? I know God is with me. He is literally dragging me along side him. You can see a wide mile long streak in the sand from my body next to his footprints.

Alright, writing this blog entry has been my excuse for me not cleaning the house this morning. So I better hop off and get started on that. I will actually clean, I promise…